Take That You Blind Piece of Shit. Or, the Real Yo Mama.

So I somehow got on this hot new MTV show called Yo Mama that's hittin' the airwaves in February (shamelss self promotion? No. I feel a little shame) where folks spit their trash talk and yo mama jokes. It was a fun time, and if you need evidence, in the Myspace profile of one of my competitors, he listed his occupation as "G". 'Nuff said.

Now, while the show as recorded was fun, during the hell trip to Las Vegas many a personal insult was thrown out, and we decided it'd also be fun to slam on those who it's easy to be slammed on. Hence, here's what I hope will one day be on the air :

Harp: "Yo mama's so fat she's like you. She can't walk, you legless fuck"

(as said against the legless fuck in a wheelchair. (Lord, if you're listening, I haven't forgotten how I didn't plunge 40 stories to my death nary 2 days ago, and I'm still worried about my thumb, so just keep my good natured humor in mind.))

Clearly that wins me round one.

(going against a man whose bladder was shot out and has to pee through one of those tubes)

Harp: "Man, you so dirty you drink the piss out of that canteen on your leg, you spastic colon having motherfucker."

Well if there's a doubt that that would move me onto the final round, then you're so crazy you make pi look rational. I was going to try that joke in the competition, but the crowd may not have been the brightest and I had a feeling that wasn't gonna happen. Neither was my joke of "Yo mama's like me. She can't get an erection" (Again, lord, if you're listening, I like getting erections).

Anyway, onto the final round :

Harp: "Yo mama's such a whore, she's just like you. Always givin' head, you decapitation accident victim son of a bitch."

(As said against a man, who although recently decapitated, somehow had his torso saunter into a trash talking competition. (Again, lord, please don't have my sunroof have another whacky mishap whilst I drive with my head sticking out the car, spitting at poor people.))

So yeah, that thumb is starting to hurt again, so goodnight and goodbyeeeeee.

Your truly,

Harp

Comments

[ryan]

Yo mama's so ugly, she saw 'King Kong' and the bitch thought she was staring at a mirror for 3 hours and 7 minutes.

[Nye]

I have a "Yo mama" challenge for Harp, and I encourage others who have them too (challenges that is, not mamas) to post them here.

What put-down would you use for a fellow disser whose mother died from shame after a particularly cruel "yo mama" joke?

[Pekin]

Well, upon a flabbergastered mother dying from me telling a yo mama joke, first I'd say "wow, that joke killed." Then, I'd hit up her kin with this ditty :

"Yo mama's heart is like an abusive father without any limbs : it can't beat"

Then I'd spit on anybody standing next to me.

[Nye]

Challenge #2 of a projected 904:

A "yo mama" joke for someone who cut his thumb clean off when he leaned against a plate glass window that broke on the 40th floor of a hotel.

[sparksington, Lord Esq.]

MAN YOU ARE THE FUCKING CHAMPION!!!! YOU ARE THE FUCKING CHAMPION!!! CHAMP-EE-ON!!

[Pekin]

Responding to these comments in reverse order, I am indeed the champion. And as for the thumb yo mama joke :

Yo mama's so stupid, she's like you doing math with your hand : She can only count to nine.

[ryan]

'Your truly,

Harp'

Jesus Henrietta Christ it never struck me before who incredibly odd the word 'Your' looks in print. Look at it! All being like the word 'sour,' but with a big Y in front. Oh, and thank you for being me 'truly,' Harp.

[ryan]

'Your truly,

Harp'

Jesus Henrietta Christ it never struck me before how incredibly odd the word 'Your' looks in print. Look at it! All being like the word 'sour,' but with a big Y in front. Oh, and thank you for being me 'truly,' Harp.

[Nye]

How about a "yo mama" joke for someone with a speech impediment where his Y's come out sounding like S's?

[Pekin]

Yo mama's such a mediocre lay that in bed she's like you playing with a device where you can "walk the dog" and naming the device that you're playing with : So-So

Have I not slept in 60 hours and written a convoluted joke? No! I've not slept in 65 hours and written a convoluted joke!

[Myles]

Next challenge: a yo mama joke for someone who hasn't slept in 65 hours! -M.

[Pekin]

Hey,

Yo mama's so broke her cd collection is like my sleep cycle :

No REM.

[Myles]

I like the implication that REM CD's are somehow more expensive than other bands'.

NEXT!

A yo mama joke for a wealthy banker whose wife is an attractive surgeon.

[David Wholf]

you mama so dumb , she put a ruler on the side of her bed to see how long she could sleep.

[david wholf]

yo mama got a ford tempo with porche interior

[david wholf]

you mama so dumb she shot herself while sharpening a nife.

[david wholf]

your mama so old that when mosses parted the red sea she was on the other side fishing.

[david wholf]

yo dady got a butt like a dog and everybody calls him a bitch ass nigga

[david wholf]

every time your mama smiles she shows off her summer teeth, some chipped, some missing, some brown, some an't even hers

[david wholf]

yo mama got a weight problem, if she have to wait to eat it going to be a problem.

[david wholf]

i remember yo mama telling me "hey i lost 10 lbs" then it hit her "never mind i found it"

[Myles]

Mr. Wholf is attempting to spark a debate on quantity v. quality. -M.

[Jon Cannon]

I thought it was about dogs v. bitches as metaphor (Momma's so fat: METAFIVE, YO MOMMA!).

[lil' sparky]

YO! YO! YO!
david wholf I like the way you roll. can you howl too baby? ruff ruff!!!

[danny]

these are one of the most fucked up boring jokes I have ever seen in the history of tweaknight typepad live chat streaming, I'm gonna report david wholf to the staff for being too lame and denying that I fucked his mother