A Letter to Lisa Loeb

You’re my #1 single, too, Lisa Loeb. My mom always tells me that I’m #1, no matter what, so we have that in common. You like a man in an expensive, sharp suit, and I’ll let you buy me one, Lisa Loeb. You don’t want your #1 man walking around in #2, un-classy clothes, because you’re a classy #1 kind of lady.

Let me tell you something about you, Lisa Loeb:

You’re worried about the age difference, a twenty-something city-tiger and a 37-year old music-hotty. Don’t push me away though, Lisa Loeb, I’ve been told that I have an old soul, and you’ll be enthused to know that my doctors tell me I have the physique of a 70 year old, and the mind of a 10-year old. Put that together with your young heart and youthful buttocks and we’re a dynamite young pair of mature younglings!

But don’t get it twisted, Lisa Loeb, I’m thinking about the future while I’m thinking about us. You want to settle down with childrens in a huge Manhattan apartment? Well have I got a deal for you, Lisa Loeb:

1. I can and will help you have kids (I am a male of the species Homo Sapiens Sapiens, and don’t worry girl, I’m way more Sapiens Sapiens than homo (wink)).


2. I will help you choose NASCAR-themed decorations for your multi-storied Manhattan love grotto, and


3. I will always be home waiting for you, or just a plane flight away, with my cell phone always “on” in case you need me (I will turn it off on long trips, when I’m tired, or if I go get a “massage”).

You might be asking, “Sure JC, this sounds amazing, but, JC, What’s in it for you?” I’ll tell you, Lisa Loeb: plenty. I love to give, I’m like the giving tree, Lisa Loeb, and I am happy to give you all my wood.

Some people might think that was dirty, but not you, Lisa Loeb, you “get” me. And that’s why you like me so much, Lisa Loeb, and you liking me is what I like about you, Lisa Loeb. In fact, I think I might be in like with you.

What awaits you, Lisa Loeb, when you are living life with me, JC? When I tell you, you’ll probably take your personality-glasses off and put your “surprised”-glasses on:

We’ll eat chicken wings and watch PBS, CNN, History Channel, Discovery Times and whatever chick channel you want to watch. We’ll go to the classiest restaurants that your money can buy, and I’ll always order you the most expensive dessert that I want. I’ll take you shopping and you can buy containers, shirts, poodle-skirts and 350 pairs of shoes, as long as I get to be in another country the whole time we’re doing that.

Remember Say Anything, Lisa Loeb? You will when I’m outside your window holding up a stereo playing Peter Gabriel. You like brat-pack movies, Lisa Loeb? Of course you do, and I’ve seen all of them. We can talk all night about what a goober Ducky was, and how Judd Nelson was the coolest guy to ever walk slowly across a football field.

I won’t forget about you Lisa Loeb. So don’t you forget about me.

JC

Comments

[ryan]

"But don’t get it twisted, Lisa Loeb"

Do you know how many sentences LL hears that start this way? The answer, may surprise you. Also, as of finishing reading this entry, I've begun drawing up a business plan/strategy to help market your "Surprise Glasses." Off the top of my head here, I'm thinking the temples can have detachable exclamation marks, with stars made of mirrors, intead of dots. Of course, this is all very preliminary, but we'll bounce around some ideas, spit ball a little, touch base, look at our options realistically, and then go forward from there. This is a very exciting time for people with glasses. Very exciting.

[Larry]

I liked this article, especially the parts where Lisa Lobe makes sexy promises with her eyes!

[Jon Cannon]

Every promise is sexy, as long as you keep it.

[ryan]

Wait how come Lisa Loeb never formed a group with Los Lobos? For a thing they could have a guttersnipe dress up like Bo Jackson and hop a-stage to play an Oboe solo--"Lisa Loeb and Los Lobos featuring a Hobo Bo Oboe Solo"