weak nights

Unaired "Watchmen" toy ad (1985)

There was a commercial for an Adrian Veidt action figure from the "Watchmen" comic book that was never aired, due to cancellation of the toy line. I found this on an old VHS. True story!

Sorry the quality sucks, blame YouTube.

NEWSFLASH! Kids Hate Me.

I'm sad. Okay, I'm not really sad just annoyed - apparently kids hate me.  A week ago I was minding my own business just you know, returning a powder blue iPod dock (don't ask) at Target (the ultimate in discounted hip goods).  When I walked into the Returns line a little boy no older than six was walking out of line with his WT(that means white trash) dad and baby sister.  The kid looked at me dead in the eye and said "Get out of my way you creep". I was stunned.  The dad said to the demon child, "what did you say to him?" and the kid mumbled something that I didn't catch.  The dad went on to sorta chastise his son, "You don't speak to people like that".  But that was it and they left.  He didn't make the little brat apologize to me!  I felt awful, like a child molester...or even worse, a creep. 

Then yesterday I was leaving Starbucks (another hip chain of course) and a gang of little fat ten year old boys and girls stopped me.  One had a black eye - I thought, "Who are they, The Rascals?".  The little chubby blonde girl asked me, "What's your name?" as she wiped mud or chocolate (hopefully) from her pink T-shirt. I didn't know why she asked this.  Were they going to beat me up? Steal my wallet? Sell me lemonade? I looked at her and said, "What do you want?  I'm busy." I then rushed off sipping my iced coffee.  She yelled out, "Enjoy your Starbucks!".  Now that's branding.

Why do kids hate me?  What did I do to them?  I'm not a creep...they're the creeps!  Next time you see a kid on the street say, "What are you looking at creep?" or "What are you looking at creepette?" (I've decided that creepette is a girl creep or effeminate boy creep).

PS: If you do like creeps you can visit them at Giggles N' Hugs - A Children's Restaurant in West Los Angeles. No joke. It's a perfect place for creeps and creep admirers.

Howdy, Partner: Now Bend Over

For two years, Kelsey McConnell worked at a popular coffee chain.  This is her story.

 

Previous to working at [redacted], I had: cleaned trash cans, floor mats and menu boards at a Taco Bell; been paid $2/hour for babysitting a nine year old who chased me around the kitchen wielding a knife; and done time behind a deli counter in Lake Tahoe, where vacationing San Franciscans would order absurdly complex sandwiches for children who really wanted American cheese on white bread, and who looked at me like I said I’d invented the internet when I nodded at their UCLA hats saying I’d gone there too.   

So how hard could slinging coffee be, right?  I drank enough of the stuff and [redacted] did have that 100 Best Places to Work decal in their windows.  Plus, I’d realized that my degree in American Literature and Culture was not immediately going to provide fiscal success and I needed a paycheck.

My Monument Will Be a Titty Tombstone

Israel Turns 60, Moves to Florida