I've been getting hundreds of emails flooding my junk mail box regarding the missing members of Weak Nights. Relax, they're all alive (relatively speaking).
For all you curious folks here's an update on what my former colleagues are up to:
RICE EATERSON: Currently Rice is raising a shoe box of snakes with his "room mate" in Valencia, CA. And they both work at Six Flags Magic Mountain as greeters!
DARREN HERZEG: Darren is still bragging about meeting that hideous African girl from Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency at Zankou Chicken. Good grief.
JOHN CANON: John is now officially both Jewish and homophobic.
MILES NIE: What's going on with Miles? I'm not totally sure but it's probably something real olde-timey.
LIL' "E" SPARX: It's all in a name. Bitch is rapping and doing drugs and video taping it. Also, she's dating a Mexican.
TIM WHATEVER: I'm not sure what he's up to. He wouldn't return my calls.
HELLEN HARLAND: What's she doing? A LOT of Puerto Rican guys and at least a one blogger who shall remain nameless. Okay, it's me.
HARPEKIN: I actually do think he died. It was 2006 and it involved a shit load of Diet Coke.
CARLOS: Carlos is still trying to find labor work in front of Home Depot. And doing drugs with Lil' "E" of course.
And last but not least (although I think we've never met so she kinda should be least)...
KELSEY MCDONALD'S: Kelsey still works morning shifts at Coffee Bean, afternoon shifts at Pete's Coffee and night shifts at It's A Grind. Kelsey has been thinking about adapting Xena: Warrior Princess into a movie franchise for the last seven years. Keep on thinking girlfriend!
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